Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just noticeable difference

How big is big? How small is small? I know, I know, I am dwelling on size again. But give me credit. The last time I was this pre-occupied about size was when both Spew and I were fenagled into a very tight and degrading singlets. Did I mention tight?

Who remembers the fantastic scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where Willy Wonka had just gathered the winners of the golden tickets into his factory and was in a hallway with everyone trying to get to the main area of the factory and, as they walked further down the hall, he suddenly got bigger and bigger? But as the scene continues you realize it was actually just the hallway getting smaller.

My point? Sometimes to be bigger, people make everything else smaller. Sometimes to be stronger, people make everyone else weaker. Sometimes to be smarter, people make everyone else dumber.

It is all about perspective. Is a 7 foot man tall? Not if everyone else is 10 feet tall. If you have the ability to perceive reality with clarity you are going to understand the world. The problem is that people are trying to take away our ability to percieve these differences. How? By changing things just below your threshold of seeing a change. You change it slowly, slightly and without fanfare.

And that my friends is what is happening to my ice cream. AGAIN!!!!

Do you remember going to the store and picking up a half gallon of ice cream? I wonder how many of you noticed that many of the comanies have already changed it from a half gallon to 1.75 quarts? And do you think they changed the price? no. This is their tricly way of a price increase without and actual price increase. You are now paying more for less. Much like the strippers that Jason hired for his bachelor party. (Although any amount of $ for those two hoochies was too much)

But the real kicker is that it is happening again. Breyer Ice cream is now down to 1.5 quarts.

They are claiming an increase in costs of their cream. (Rob - Maybe Dirk could help with the cream issue?) Anyway, the point is that they are changing the size just a little so that you wont know. You see, its the same price it has always been and you assume everything is the same. But they are gouging you. How about they be honest about it? How about they just raise the prices? How about an announcment about the size change? Oh, thats right, its all about the Jeffersons!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Games People Play

What possible connection could these items have in common?

Give up?

So I was pretty frustrated because of work and I just wanted to not think about anything so I decided to go to a movie. The local dollar theatre ( excuse me.."discount theatre" as they call it now because it is really a buck 50) was playing "The Happening". I heard that it sucked but I was going to the movies alone and what better time to see a movie that no one else has a desire to see?

I hadn't had dinner yet and I was having a craving for sushi. So I went over to smithies and picked up a box of their horribly mediocre sushi. Ahhhh but here is where the fun starts. Becasue of its odd shape I thought it might be a little difficult to sneak it into the theatre. But I realized this was in no way a challenge. Venturing into a self induced game of dare, I impulsively grabbed various pieces of loot that had only one destination............"The Happening".

As I stood in line, I gazed upon my treasures like I was 10 years old again and just returned home from a wicked night of trick or treat. Those mini candy bars were worth more than gold to me in those days. Screw the smarties, tootsie rolls and jolly ranchers. Give me the candy bars, sixlets and boxes of nerds.

In the end I had gathered:

12 pieces of sushi
1 12 oz bottle of mountain dew
1 3 pack of Zingers
1 tube of pringles

Now I gotta admit that the biggest challenge was the pringles. I am not going to divulge where I resorted to hiding those. Lets just say it was similar to when I tried to sneak a mini boom microphone into the Primus concert. Which, I am proud to say, that even though they caught me with the micrphone, I talked my way into them letting me in with it anyway.

Although it was difficult, I am proud to say that I did indeed complete the challenge. I feel like I have been training for this all my life because if there was one thing that I learned from Papa Bill, it was how to sneak food into theatres. And to celebrate, I sat back and enjoyed not the movie but rather the astonishment of my co-film watcher's facial expressions as they saw me chowing down pieces of sushi with my chopsticks.

Do I have any challengers?